There’s Light Even In The Darkest of Days

In May 2016, I was diagnosed a major depressive. I battled it, battling still, along with chronic anxiety. I write this story to help break the mental health stigma. To encourage anyone struggling with emotions and mental health conditions to cling on. What you are feeling is valid. Don’t give up; soldier through because it gets better. I feel you, I didn’t think it would for me either. 

It has not been an easy feat. In 2016, I crashed and burned. I started a love-hate relationship with medications and I fought it so hard until 2018. Sometimes I was happy, most of the time I found myself broken and downtrodden. I thought I had it bad, until my condition got worse. I was almost admitted to a facility. I also committed a grave mistake this year, and I hurt one of the people I love the most. In 2019, I got my heart broken and I was also suicidal. Life was pacing painfully and slowly. Many times I wanted to give up but for some reason, my loved ones cling onto me just as I cling onto them. 

2020 was no different when it came in. Life was slow, I was battling my personal demons, I was suicidal.  Still, I wanted to give up. In June I almost cut the life out of me, but I managed to cling on. I soldiered through. July and August were quiet, eerily quiet. By September, I suddenly found myself rising up. I could climb out of my deep dark pit all of a sudden! Here I am now, in October of 2020—I managed to crawl my way out and finish graduate school, I managed to return to the work force, and for some reason, my mental health was stable. From ‘nothing,’ there is suddenly ‘something.’ It just happened.

Sometimes, even if we don’t see it nor believe it, roads still rise up to meet us. I honestly never thought I will feel this way. ‘May liwanag.’ (There’s light).

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